Klaus's Misfortune
by edgy wedgy
Summary: (Chapter 15 up) Due to the unintended effects of Violet's prank, Klaus finds himself married to Olaf. Meanwhile Violet is lost...
1. Chapter 1 oooo, what an original name

Disclaimer: What's the point of this anyway? If I owned it, I'd be a rich man.

This continues from the beginning of the last chapter of the 1st book, after the audience has found out everything. I'm not going to bother writing like Lemony because firstly, his use of phrases like "he would slit their throats as easily as you or I may eat a small butter cookie" are just too original. If I tried to make up random comparisons like that, it'd probably just sound really lame. Secondly, I'm just not able to write like him. But I'll still try.

Klaus's Misfortune

Mr Poe finally gasped, wiping his mouth. "I absolutely will not allow it."

"I'm afraid you have to." Count Olaf replied.

"I'm – I'm afraid Olaf is right," Justice Strauss said, through her tears. "This marriage is legally binding."

"Begging your pardon," said Violet suddenly, "but I think you may be wrong."

Everyone turned to look at the eldest Baudelaire orphan.

"What did you say, countess?" Olaf said.

"I'm _not_ your countess," Violet said testily, a word which here means "in an extremely annoyed tone. "I think the countess here is KLAUS."

"_What_?" cried Klaus.

"That's right," continued Violet, eagerly, "I did not sign the document in my own hand, as the law states."

"What do you mean? We all saw you!" Count Olaf's eyebrow was beginning to rise in anger.

"Like most people," Violet said, "I am right-handed. But I signed the document with my left hand."

"_What?_" Count Olaf cried. He snatched the paper from Justice Strauss and looked down at it. His eyes were shining very bright. "You are a _liar_!" he hissed at Violet.

"No she's not," Klaus said excitedly. "I remember, because I watched her left hand tremble as she signed her name." Klaus paused. "But how does that make me the Countess?"

"Because," said Violet, "if you look at the signature, it is actually your name!"

"My name?" asked Klaus, surprised, "why did you put my name?"

"Because," Violet continued, "I thought it wouldn't matter, but I just remembered something mother told me a long time ago." Her eyes filled with tears.

The audience looked stunned. 

"I don't understand." Said Klaus.

"Etmoi!" said Sunny, which meant something along the lines of, I don't get it either. She then fainted.

"When a sister signs an official marriage document for her brother, her brother is then married." Violet started weeping. "I'm sorry Klaus," she said.

Klaus, dazed, asked, "But why? Why did you when you were signing with your left hand?"

"Because," sniffed Violet, "I thought it'd be funny."

The audience shook their heads.

"I'm afraid she's right," said Justice Strauss, "You are married to Olaf, Klaus."

Violet walked up to Klaus and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry brother. Goodbye." And with that, she scooped up Sunny and they walked out the door.

Klaus stood, numbed by all that had occurred.

"Ha ha," laughed Olaf, "I have the fortune after all. Looks like your sissy sisters didn't want you!"

Justice Strauss narrowed her eyes at the scum that stood before her. "FORTUNATELY," she said to Klaus, "a married person CANNOT take money from their husband."

"But I'm Klaus's husband," began Olaf indignantly.

"And he is yours too." Finished Justice Strauss. "As you are both men, you are both husbands, therefore neither of you has power over the other."

Olaf bit his lip. "Fine." He said firmly, "I want a divorce."

"Don't we all?" said Mr Poe and his wife hit him.

Justice Strauss giggled.

"What's so funny, woman?" cried Olaf, "can't you see we are suffering?"

"No can do," said Justice Strauss, "a man cannot divorce himself from another man. You two are married for ever!"

&&

How was that? After the first 10 or so lines it kinda lost it, but I think it's because I started writing instead of just copying.

I reckon this can actually become a LONG story, if you're interested. 


	2. Chapter 2 ditto

Disclaimer: It is illegal to own people.

Kinda pointless, but Klaus has feelings too. Here they are. 

Klaus's Misfortune 

Chapter 2

The walk home was long and tiresome. The walk up to the door was dreadful. As Klaus stood by the door in fear and anxiety of the future, Olaf marched his theatre troupe around the room.

Klaus stared. Too much resistance to join in yet too bored to stay by the door, Klaus trudged to the lousy bedroom he and his siblings were given during their short yet horrible stay.

It was funny the way things were. Just two days ago, he was more eager to get out of there than a bunch of bees were to get honey. Yet now he wished more than ever that time would turn itself back by two days.

The bed that they alternated in sleeping on looked quite comfy now. Compared to his treacherous husband anyway. He wondered what his sisters were up to. Had they managed to get a bed? Were they sleeping in a loving household or on the streets with the rats in the sewers.

Klaus picked up the rocks. If only Olaf were a rock.

Just then, Olaf and the hook handed man walked in. "Hi sweetie," said  Olaf, his speech slurred. "Wanna come for a drink?"

Klaus shuddered. Olaf had been drinking. "No thank you." Said Klaus, "I'm rather tired. I'd like to go to bed now."

Olaf grinned goofily. "Then you must come to bed with me." 

"I'm not going to bed with you," cried Klaus. "I'd hate to think what you'd do to my sister if you hadn't married me!"

Olaf giggled and collapsed. Klaus slammed the door. There was no fog for why Olaf had been drinking. He himself wished he could glug down some alcohol, and maybe just pass out.

But he couldn't. He had to think like Violet. Violet was the inventor. Right now he needed to invent a way to get out of the house.

Instead, he fell asleep.

My apologies, I'm not the most serious person, so this chapter is not very long.

Birds have wings, please review my story.


	3. Chapter 3 pointless, but tragic

Wow, seems like many people are quite angry with me. Seems like the idea of Klaus and Olaf married sickens them.

Ok, first off, just because Olaf is an evil villain, it doesn't mean he is gay. Nor does it mean he has to treat Klaus like a wife/husband. 

Secondly, Olaf's plan to marry Violet was not to live with her and breed offspring, it was merely to get her money. So just because Klaus and Olaf are now married, it doesn't mean they're going to sleep together. If you didn't notice, Olaf was DRUNK when he asked Klaus to go to bed.

Finally, thank you all those people who took a lighthearted approach to this story.

Chapter 3

Violet wandered down the street. The wind picked up bits of scrap news and blew it around her ankles.

How could she have been so stupid, playing a joke on Klaus like that? She'd sworn to her parents that she'd look after her siblings. Yet less than a week after their death, she'd sent her brother to his doom.

She herself wasn't happy. Clutching Sunny, walking down the dark streets. What was Klaus doing? Was he still alive? Was he injured? Violet shuddered. She didn't like the idea of Klaus all by himself in a house with Olaf's troupe. Perhaps she ought to try and rescue him? Or perhaps she ought to burn the house down? Or perhaps invent something that made Olaf become a kind gentleman? Perhaps she ought to invent wings.

Violet shook her head. She couldn't think properly. Better wait till tomorrow. But now, she faced the problem of finding a bed. With her unconscious sister on her shoulder, she trudged on.

All down the streetlights in houses were off. Most people were probably asleep. Who wouldn't be? Olaf probably. Drinking and acting cruel. Violet shuddered again. It was getting rather cold.

Suddenly, a strong wind came by. A huge tree branch broke off and hit Violet right on the head.

&& Yah, crappy, boring, whatever. I'm sorry to all Violet fans for reducing her intelligence. 


	4. Chapter 4 dear me

Chapter 4

Violet lay, face in the mud. For about 5 hours. You and I know that if we were to lie face in the mud for 5 hours, we'd fill our nostrils with mud, and that is not a pleasant feeling.

Violet however, was so dazed she hardly noticed. She barely remembered the events of the previous day and she barely realised that her baby sister had crawled away in the night. 

Sunny was sore all over. She felt the impact of the branch on her sisters head and she felt her sister fall to the ground. She felt so stick of being bumped around that the moment everything became quite, she crawled along the gutter and into the night.

She didn't crawl very far though. Her arms and legs were so shaky from being hung up in a cage that she couldn't use them properly. Her solution was to use her teeth. So she "trawled", using her teeth to pull her along the ground.

You and I both know that this is not only extremely dangerous, for you never know when you might bite into a rock and knock your teeth out, it is also extremely uncomfortable, and the poor infant often found her mouth containing rubbish that careless people threw onto the streets.

But brave little Sunny continued, and by morning, she had travelled 1 km.

However, the streets were no longer empty. Early dog walkers had brought out their dogs and had started the walking. Sunny was no longer in the dark. 

She had a terrible time. Everyone thought she was a peculiar dog with no owner and all the dogs sniffed her poor little head. As we all know, infants who have spent the night "trawling", in the morning gotten rude remarks like "That dog's head is far too big!" and licked by hundreds of dogs are usually unhappy infants. Unhappy infants tend to throw tantrums. Sunny was so unhappy that the tantrum she threw was so big, everyone in the streets ran away, leaving their dogs behind.

The dogs all felt so sorry for her that they gave her a ride on their backs and brought her food. Unfortunately, dog food is soft and Sunny didn't enjoy her meal one bit, but ate it up anyway.

Meanwhile, Klaus had just woken up. Olaf had gone out early with his dog but came running back when he saw the hoards of people running out of the streets. Klaus prepared himself for the worst.

"I have decided to by you a collar," announced Olaf as he strode into Klaus's room.

Klaus stared. "W-what?" he stammered.

"I believe you will make a better dog than a husband," continued Olaf carelessly as if he was talking about the weather rather than talking about enslaving someone. "I suspect that as a dog, you will be better behaved than you would be as a husband and you would be much cuter. It would also make me more attractive, for no woman want's to date a man who's already married to another man."

Klaus stood, stunned. But then he got angry. "You can't just make someone a dog! A person is a person; they can't be turned into a dog just because another person decides it is better. THERE ARE MORALS!!"

Olaf inspected his fingernails, then looked down at Klaus. "You will be a dog. As your husband, I am willing you to be a dog."


	5. Chapter 5 hate me

Yes Klaus is great. He's my favourite character. That's why this story is all about him. And his sisters. But we won't worry about them.

Chapter FIVE

Violet wandered through the streets. Her head throbbed but she didn't know why. Everything was all so strange to her.

People stared at her, pointing and whispering. 

"What's that girl doing wandering around like that?"

"Why isn't a pretty girl like her doing something useful with her time?"

"How did the big bump on her head get there?"

"Hey Violet!"

Violet walked on. The world didn't want her. What was the world anyway? What were all these people? She desperately needed some attention.

Just then, a little girl around 6 walked up to her and tugged her sleeve. She looked up at Violet with innocent and eyes and said, "You've got red stuff in your hair. My mommy says that you put ketchup in it but I think you hurt yourself."

Violet stared down at her. She ran her fingers through the girl's hair, got down on her knees and gave the girl a hug. The little girl turned and ran away. Violet blinked. 

And blinked.

And blinked.

But the world stayed the same. No one was going to help her out.

Sunny was fast asleep. It was naptime. The dogs had brought her to a cosy shed which they often used for secret meetings and there they had set up a lovely bed for Sunny to lie upon. Sunny snoozed for quite sometime before the dogs decided that they should wake her up and discuss things.

As sunny opened her little eyes and stretched her little arms, the dogs began barking.

"Woof! Woof woof!"

Sunny sat, stunned.

"Woofy woof woofetty!"

Sunny understood. The dogs were now her family. "Woog!" cried Sunny and the dogs all barked harder.

"WOOF WOOF WOOF,  WOOF WOOOOOOF WOFF!"

Sunny choked. She didn't think she was ready to be king of the dogs. Especially now since her arms and legs were unable to crawl. "Werggy!" yelled Sunny, but the dogs insisted.

"WOOF WOOF WOOF,  WOOF WOOOOOOF WOFF!"

"Gerf!" said Sunny and the dogs agreed. She was now their king, as long as they carried her around everywhere.

Klaus cried in pain as Olaf tightened the collar up a notch. He tried to give Olaf a good kick. 

Olaf jumped back, alarmed. "Now dog," he said, "You best be careful. I want a good, obedient dog. If you are unwilling to obey, I may have to _make_ you obey." He pulled out a metre long whip and slashed the air.

Klaus swallowed. Olaf attached a lead to the dog collar.

"Now listen to me," Olaf said, "I have your name and address on your collar. Should you happen to get lost, you need only to find another human being and they will bring you back home. Should you fail to return, I may have to catch you and chain you up. I'm sure an active dog like you won't like that."

Klaus stared up at Olaf. Olaf stared back. No one said anything.

Suddenly Klaus started barking ferociously. "Grrrrr….Ruff!"

Olaf looked at him nervously, "Ok doggie…" he stuttered, "I was only kidding, I'm not going to chain you up. There's a good doggie…"

Klaus barked a little longer, then laughed at Olaf. "Look at you!" he scorned, "A whip in your hand and you're scared of a barking boy? Gracious Olaf, I think you're losing your touch" Klaus rolled around on the floor, laughing.

"Ah, shut up!" ordered Olaf half-heartedly. Then he looked at Klaus and cracked up. "Yeah," he giggled, "I think I am losing my touch. He he he!"

Klaus stopped. Olaf was laughing. Olaf was occupied. Olaf was happy. This could mean many things, for example, it could mean Olaf was finally free from the horrible spirit he was, or he found what Klaus said funny, or there was something in his shoe tickling him. But to Klaus, this meant only one thing.

It wasn't that Olaf was finally free from the horrible spirit he was, or that Olaf found what Klaus said funny, or that there was something in Olaf's shoe tickling him, it was an opportunity to escape and find his sisters.

Olaf bent in half, doubled over with laughter. Klaus giggled meekly as he slowly stood up and backed away from Olaf. 

One step.

Two steps.

Three steps.

Four steps.

Five steps.

Six steps.

Seven steps.

And one more and Klaus was out of the room. He ran. Oh how he ran. He ran so fast he knocked over furniture. He ran so fast that he fell over six times. He ran so fast that before long he was out of the house and almost on to the street.

He did not make it.

He didn't make it onto the street because at that moment a large hoard of people who looked just like Olaf ran past. Klaus was so scared he turned around and ran back into the house. He ran so fast that the furniture that was knocked over stood back up. He ran so fast that he fell over six times. He  ran so fast he was back in his room and Olaf was still lying on the ground laughing.

Olaf heard Klaus puffing and got up off the floor. "Dear me," he commented, "Looks like someone isn't used to laughing. I hope you can breathe. We wouldn't want you to run out of breath and_ die_, would we?"

I'm not gay. Please don't hesitate to accuse me of falsehoods.


	6. Chapter 6 getting sinister

C h a p t e r SIX

Violet was on the verge of tears. She was lost and hurt. And nobody was going to help her. What an unfair world it was, so cruel to people who were confused.

Just then, a hoard of people rushed down the street, picking Violet up as they ran past. Violet was terrified. She was travelling at fifty kilometres an hour in the arms of someone who looked vaguely familiar.

She squinted up at them. That face – the mono brow, the shiny, shiny eyes, the dominating nose, the sneering lips – she had seen that face before, she just couldn't remember where.

She was staring at it intently, cracking her head trying to figure out where she'd seen such a face when suddenly the person holding her threw her up into the air.

Violet screamed. Someone caught her. She looked up at her saviour and to her horror, he had the face of the person who had cruelly tossed her. 

Instinctively, Violet fought to get out of his arms before he tossed her again. You must remember that this is not an extremely easy task, especially when you are injured, being bumped around and travelling faster than you'd like to.

However, Violet was not a girl to give up and she had almost succeeded in slipping out of his arms when suddenly she was tossed up and caught by a person with the exact same face once again.

She cursed under her breath, not realising how lucky she was because had she been able to slip out of his arms, she would immeadiately be trampled and suffer further injuries.

Looking around, Violet noticed that this whole mob of a hundred or wo people ALL looked identical – monobrows, shiny, shiny eyes, dominating noses and sneering lips. Violet's jaw dropped. Sure she'd forgotten a lot since a tree branch collided with her cranium, but some things in her short life had engraved itself so deep in her mind that see could not forget them. And this face was one of them.

It was so terrifying Violet scrambled to get away. She was being carried and passed around by these treacherous figures and she liked not the thought of what they might do to her.

To her relief, the mob soon dropped her onto the ground and charged off. Violet stared as they continued to pick up pedestrians and wondered what they were doing.

She was about to giggle at how silly they all looked when a hand placed it self on her shoulder. "Well well well," said a voice, "what have we here?"

***

Sunny choked as one of the dogs tried to impress her. It was a rather hilarious site. She laid her little head back on the soft dirt as many dogs came to satisfy her every need. She was in such comfort she decided being King of Dogs wasn't so bad after all.

***

"This isn't fair Olaf," said Klaus evenly, "I am not a dog and you know it. You cannot make me one."

Olaf closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "We've been through this many times," he said impatiently, trying with difficulty to keep his temper, "As a dog, you will be of more benefit to me."

Klaus disagreed. "As a dog, I will only show how little respect you have for other human beings. Besides, my knees are tired, can't I at least sit on a chair?"

"Oh my goodness gracious, you poor, poor boy. You have to be on hands an knees all day long," Olaf laughed, before changing his tone to a fierce one, "If you are reluctant to be what I tell you to be, you may suffer more than you need. I suggest you behave like a proper dog."

"Fine," said Klaus and he did something both disgusting and stupid. He jumped on Olaf and bit him on the hand.

Olaf shrieked like a girl (no offence to girls). He ran around the room with Klaus dangling off his hand yodelling like a goat on drugs.

Klaus held tight, biting as hard as he could. The taste of Olaf's hand was horrible – Klaus had never seen Olaf do anything to improve his hygiene – and the pain in his jaw was excruciating, but Klaus knew that the moment he let go, he would have lost.

Olaf knew the same thing and gritted his teeth trying hard not to give in. Of course he knew that if he didn't give in soon, his hand would never heal. He had to do something quick.

Olaf ran into the kitchen and picked up a cup. With one hand, he turned on the tap, fille d up the glass and splashed it on Klaus.

Klaus felt the felt the cold water hit his face and gasped. His jaw had slipped down Olaf's hand but he quickly bit down again, wishing ever so hard that he had teeth like Sunny.

Olaf yelped. He now had two bite marks on his hand. He had almost gotten used to the first bite because the nerves had been numbed but now he was faced with torture on good flesh.

"Alright! Alright!" cried Olaf, "I give in! You don't have to be dog, I shan't treat you as a dog, just LET GO OF MY HAND!"

Klaus looked up at Olaf, making sure he was not lying. Olaf looked so pitiful Klaus could have laughed, but his jaw was under immense pain. He opened his mouth and dropped to the floor.

Olaf ran to the sink and rammed his hand under the cold water, moaning. He looked at Klaus loathingly as Klaus rubbed his sore teeh and gums. The rules of the game had now changed. It was now a survival of the fittest.


	7. Chapter 7 new friends and some honey

Thanks for reading everybody!

C h a p t e r SEVEN

Violet trembled as a dark shadow appeared before her. Correction, Violet trembled as she _hallucinated _– the word hallucinated means to go crazy and pretend and pretend things which don't exist are right in front of you – that a dark shadow had appeared in front of her. In actual fact she saw no such thing because the street she had been dumped on was completely dark. Full of dread for the dark shadow (not for the entire darkness that surrounded her), she turned around to look at the person who'd caught her. 

She looked up to see a tall man who was completely dark (but then everything else was completely dark anyway) praying it wasn't one of those identical faces.

It wasn't

"Hello!" he greeted her cheerfully.

Suddenly all darkness disappeared and the street was filled with light (Violet was still hallucinating). The man was all smiles as he held her hand and lead her into a building and into an elavator.

**

Sunny and her little colony of dogs were taking a walk when suddenly, a hoard of crazy men who looked just like the evil man who had her locked in cage ran by. Sunny got very scared and shrieked loudly. The dogs were instantly alerted and ran after the men, barking and biting.

The men became aware of all the hundreds of dogs that surrounded them and also began shrieking. They ripped off their masks to reveal normal faces, kicked at the dogs and ran in all different directions screaming, "Let's not have anymore Olaf Promotion days!"

Sunny smiled happily.

**

Olaf watched Klaus with distaste. The boy was sitting at the dining table reading a book he'd borrowed of Justice Strauss. He looked so focused, so intent, he almost looked … adorable. But Olaf, with his hand still cut and bruised and utterly pissed off and vengeful out of his mind, began plotting revenge against the twelve year old boy.

It may seem like an easy task, seeing as Olaf was a grown man in his thirties and Klaus was a mere boy at just younger than thirteen, but Olaf had lost much of his imagination to evilness and was now having difficulty thinking up some imaginative way to execute such evil.

Olaf sat uncomfortably on the kitchen bench for hours. His head was tilted forward with the bottom edge of the cupboards digging into his neck. He delved his brain trying to think up revenge but found nothing.

Suddenly, Olaf sat up straight, hitting his head against the cupboard.

"OWWW!" he yelled, jumping off the bench and falling onto the ground. Klaus stared at him through the doorway. He looked like he was about to say something.

"Oh shut up," snapped Olaf, "I'll bet you do it all the time too."

Klaus blinked, shook his head and looked back at his book.

"Think I'm stupid now do you?" Olaf muttered under his breath, "We'll just see who the idiot is." He stood up, dusted himself off and opened one of the cupboards.

"Let's see," he said, scanning all the bottles. "How about a sticky evening?" he laughed as he picked up a jar marked HONEY and headed toward Klaus's room.

A question for readers: Who is Violet with? (My petty attempt at making up for the poor chapter.)


	8. Alpha

I am very disappointed. Only one person was able to answer my question. Well done B, you got it right! Shame on all you other Snicket "fans", but thanks for reading anyway.

This is my longest chapter ever. Be happy for me and I might change that. Be happy Violet fans – this chapter is all her.

C h a p t e r   EIGHT

"Back so soon?" asked a voice as the man lead Violet into a completely dark room. It was the voice of a woman, very sharp and demanding. "Have you got those purple beanies? The kind with orange polka dots? When my friends see me with these they'll be sick with jealousy!"

"Uh, no, not yet," replied the man.

"WHAT?!!" the female voice screeched. "How can I step outside today if I haven't got my purple beanie?!"

"I'm sorry Esmé, but when I got outside, I saw this girl sitting on the ground, so I brought her up."

The woman seemed distracted. "Girl, what girl?"

The man pointed at Violet.

The woman had one look at her filthy clothes and bloodied hair and narrowed her eyes. "What did you bring her up for?" she asked stiffly.

"She's hurt," the man explained, "I couldn't just leave her."

"You should have!" the woman cried huffily, "_My _purple beanies are _much_ more important." She glanced at Violet again. Violet looked up at the man. She didn't feel so good. Why was this woman so angry?

"FINE!" said the woman at last, "_I'll_ get the purple beanies myself. I'll just have to wear the next best thing, a blue visor."

The man watched as Esmé left the room, before shaking his head. "Why does she bother?" he muttered.

He looked at Violet. "Well, let's get this blood all cleaned up." He led her to a bathroom. "My name's Jerome," he said, "What's your name?"

Violet opened her mouth. Then she closed it. Surely she hadn't forgotten her name? She wracked her brain. Her name. Her name. The last thing she remembered saying was…Goodbye? Was that her name? Probably.

"Goodbye." she said finally.

Jerome put a hand to his mouth. "Oh I'm so sorry," he said politely, "Esmé's like that sometimes, but please, don't leave because of that."

Violet stared. "I didn't mean to be rude, I was just saying, my name is Goodbye."

It was Jerome's turn to stare. "Oh. Ok." He looked apprehensive. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but no words came out, so he closed it.

"Err…maybe we should call your parents…?" he said, after while, looking at Violet searchingly.

Violet gasped. She suddenly remembered and her eyes filled with tears. "I've just remembered!" she cried, "I was carrying my baby sister along the road one night and then I don't remember anything else…then, later, I remember all these people and some more people…and then all these men who looked like…OLAF, yeah, that's who it was…oh no…" She sat down abruptly and put her hands over her face.

Jerome was alarmed. He jumped up, then bent over, then gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Oh, Goodbye," he begged, panic ringing in his voice, "please don't cry! Tell me what's wrong."

Violet wiped her eyes, then sat up straight, her face like stone. "You wanna know everything?" she asked flatly?

Jerome nodded meekly.

"My name is Violet Baudelaire. Me and my siblings were at a beach when our house burnt down and killed our parents. We were sent to live with a horrible man called Olaf and he locked my sister in a birdcage and treated us like dirt. He tried to marry me to get our money but married my brother instead. I lost my sister, but I don't remember how." She said this all in one breath and Jerome looked quite shocked.

Then, as the impact of her words hit her, Violet jumped up, grabbed Jerome's sleeve and started shaking it. "MY BROTHER IS MARRIED TO A MURDERER AND MY BABY SISTER IS ALL BY HERSELF IN THE HUGE WORLD. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!!"

Jerome thought for a while, then said, "I'm going to clean that blood off of your head and give you a nice, warm cocoa. Nice, warm cocoas always cheer me up when I'm sad."

Violet looked at Jerome in anguish.

Later, when Violet calmed down a bit and was drinking her nice, warm cocoa, Esmé entered holding her purple beanies with orange polka dots.

"Well Jerome, you'll never believe who I just bumped into today."

"Who?" Jerome asked.

"The most handsome man in the world – my drama teacher. He talked about some nasty brat he married and how he didn't get to be rich, but he'll think of a way. He did fill the kid's bed with honey." Esmé beamed, "Oohoo, imagine what that'll be like, the kid will be sorry he ever messed with—"

"That's interesting," interrupted Jerome, "But, I have someone I'd like you to meet."

Esmé looked at the ceiling. "It's that girl you found isn't it? Very well Jerome, introduce her."

Jerome winked at Violet. "Here we have…Violet!"

Violet waved half-heartedly.

Esmé rolled her eyes. "Good, good, now if she's all cleaned up, maybe you could take her home?"

Jerome grinned. "The thing is, Esmé, Violet doesn't have a home. Her parents died in a fire. Can we adopt her?"

Esmé laughed, "Don't be silly Jerome, we can't adopt her. Orphans' are out. If we adopt her, that will ruin my reputation as the city's sixth most import financial advisor."

"I thought it was seventh."

"I got promoted." She looked at Violet. "We cannot adopt an Orphan. Take her home."

"I don't want to argue, but Violet has no where to go. And a villain named Olaf is after her. He wants the Baudelaire fortune!"

Esmé looked up sharply. "Did you say Baudelaire?"

"Yes. Violet is a Baudelaire. Violet Baudelaire." Jerome looked at Esmé suspiciously. "Why?"

"Oh no reason," replied Esmé casually, "I guess if this _villain_ is after her…we better keep an eye on her." Looking very smug, Esmé left the room.

Jerome grinned widely and winked at Violet. "Ha ha kiddo!" he laughed, "I guess I'm your "parent" now!"

Violet smiled hesitantly and looked away. 

Some birds don't actually have wings, but please review my story anyway. 


	9. Bravo

I have nothing to say except what I have just said.

C H A P T E R nine

Klaus put a finger in his ear. Even so, it was very difficult to concentrate on the book he was reading. Olaf had invited his theartre troupe over and like the night before, they were all drinking.

Olaf's slurred speech could be heard over all the noise the others were making. "We'll kill 'em, and be rich!"

Klaus shuddered. It was no use, books no longer gave him the escape he had once taken for granted. Putting the book between his knees so he could tuck a finger in his other ear, Klaus willed himself to concentrate.

It was a very interesting book about the history of loopholes in the law. Klaus had skipped over to Justice Strauss's house after biting Olaf's hand and she had recommended the book to him.

"AH SHUT UP YOU!" Klaus jumped.

It was useless. Klaus put the book down and got ready for bed.

**

"Oh no you don't!" roared Olaf, "You're not getting any of my money because YOU WEREN'T THERE TO HELP!"

Another man just as drunk as Olaf got up to face him, swaying terribly. "We were in it together. I had family matters, but we had our agreement!"

Olaf gave the man a few good pokes. "Well too bad for you," he tried smirking, but it only made him look constipated, "I haven't got the money as I just happened to get married to that little bookworm in there!" he pointed to Klaus's room.

"Then why don't cha kill 'im?"

"Why don't I kill 'im?" Olaf replied, "I'll tell you why I don't kill 'im…" Olaf stopped.

"Well?" the other man demanded.

Olaf's face brightened. "Why you genius Frederick, I oughta just kill 'im!" Olaf ran to the kitchen and picked out an extra large knife. "Anyone interested in watching?" he cackled, and opened the door to Klaus's room.

Walking up to the bed, Olaf raised the knife high above his head. "Bye bye Klaussy," he wimpered mockingly and plunged the knife deep into the covers.

OH no! Is this the end of Klaus? Actually, it might be. He's kinda irrelevant now that he's married to Olaf, but then so is Violet and Sunny. In fact this whole story is irrelevant. But if you like crappy suspense, don't forget to come back next time!


	10. charlie

YAY! AN UPDATE!

C H A P T E R     ten

"HAHAHAHA!" screeched Olaf as a he stabbed wildly at the sheets. "Die Klaussy, DIE! I HATE YOU! YOU MAKE ME LOOK BAD! AND I'M THREE TIMES YOUR AGE!"

The sheets did not move. Olaf paused for a moment to see the damage he had caused. There was not yet any blood on the sheets. Not satisfied, Olaf began again.

"Listen to me!"

Stab.

"Everything,"

Stab.  
"Would have been,"

Stab.

"_So_ much easier,"

Stab.

"Had your foolish sister,"

Stab.

"SIGNED IN HER OWN HAND!"

Stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab.

Finally, something yellowish oozed out of the covers and Olaf dropped to the floor happily. "Klaus is dead," he said.

**

"Good night," said Jerome.

"Good night," said Violet.

"After this long day, you will probably sleep like a log."

Violet smiled politely and pulled the covers up to her face. She was evidently uncomfortable.

Jerome smiled and closed the door.

The next morning Jerome decided to go into Violets room. He wouldn't normally walk into a girl's room, but it was almost noon, and he thought he ought to see if she was sick. However, it was he who turned pale when he turned the doorknob and went inside. There in the space where Violet had lain the night before was a large, brown log.

& Is Klaus REALLY dead? Or is Olaf delusional? And what happened to Violet? Find out next time on KLAUS'S MISFORTUNE! The next chapter will be good. Really. Truly. For the first time. 


	11. delta

Yay! Another update.

Chapter Eleven 

Violet woke up to find white cotton in front of her eyes. It took her awhile to realise she was inside a bag. Suddenly filled with the fear of suffocation, Violet struggled to break loose. It was all in vain.

            Frustrated, she sat as comfortably as she could and started thinking of an invention to get her out.

            She needed not have tried at all, for at that moment, a sharp blade jabbed at the fabric, breaking it open. Violet screamed as she saw the blade whiz past her face and thrashed her arms about her, desperately trying to get out.

            Her fight was worth it, because Violet soon found herself lying tangled in the bag on someone's broad living room floor.

            A boy stood above her, bending forward slightly with a pair of scissors in his hand. "Hi Violet," he said, grinning.

            Violet's mouth opened. "B-BEN!" she cried, "It's you!" She scrambled off the floor and flung her arms around him. "I'm so glad to see you!"

            Ben continued to grin and patted her on the back.

            "How did you find me?" asked Violet, "And, OH! What happened to the man and the huge house and—?"

            Ben laughed. "Don't you worry, everything's ok. Do you want something to drink?"

            "Yeah, ok, but why was I in a bag?"

            "It's a long story," said Ben, pouring her some water. "When I heard that you were going to be in a play I decided I had to go see. But it was a terrible play and I got really bored so I left early. The next day I heard that that horrible man tried to marry you and kill Klaus and Sunny, and it got me worried and I went to look for you. But I realised that I no longer knew where you lived.

            "That's when I saw you in the street, wandering around all bloodied up, looking lost. I called out to you, but you didn't seem to hear and then this great stampede of people came by and dragged you away. I ran along behind them but they were too fast. When I finally caught up a tall man was carrying you into a building.

            Violet sipped her drink. "Go on."

            Ben continued, "I called Sam and asked him to help me rescue you from that man and we devised this great plan. We climbed up the wall of the block, with the added weight of a log that Sam insisted we bring,  and went to each of the windows till we found yours. Then we snapped the window open. You were asleep and we didn't want to wake you, so Sam suggested we put you in a bag. He also insisted the bag be sealed tightly, as to freak you out.

            "But knowing Sam, that wasn't enough. He also suggested we put the log in your place on the bed, because there's an expression about sleeping like logs. Anyway, when I got home I was so tired I fell asleep immediately and forgot to open your bag." He looked at Violet. "Sorry," he added, as an afterthought.

            Violet nodded. 

            "So…what's been happening with you?" asked Ben.

***

The next morning Olaf woke up with a dreadful hangover. However, his spirits brightened as he remembered his wonderful doings of the night before. Yes, he had finally gotten rid of that awful little smart alec.

            What a glorious evening that had been, where he had given payback to the boy in everyway possible. As you can understand, he was awfully shocked when Klaus, alive and well, walked into the kitchen.

            "Klaus!" choked Olaf, "You're-you're—"

            "Yes?" asked Klaus coldly.

            "You're awake!"

            "That is quite obvious."

            "Well-I—"

            "I know what you were doing last night Olaf. You tried to kill me. But in case you'd forgotten, you'd also put honey in my bed yesterday. And when I found my bed all gluey, I decided rather than to complain to someone who'd pissed themself, just to sleep where Sunny slept, among the curtains. So when you came in and brought the knife down, I saw everything." Klaus stopped to look at Olaf.

            Olaf had turned a nasty orange colour. "I see."

            "Therefore I have decided to leave for fear you may try and kill me again," finished Klaus crisply. He turned and headed towards the door.

            "I think I may just try one more time," said Olaf menacingly.

            Klaus turned.

            "Right now," Olaf added, and drew a knife from his knife rack.

&Klaus isn't dead after all!


	12. echo

Number twelve, where things happen…

Chapter Twelve

The dogs sat obediently as little Sunny lay soundly. However, when Sunny woke up, the dogs had all disappeared.

Where had they gone? Sunny didn't know. Nor did the dogs. For during the night an evil scientist had hbrought out his supersonic shrinker and shrunk all the dogs before putting them into a bag and running off.

Poor sunny began cry. "Erzatc!" she wailed, which meant something along the lines of "I want all my slaves back."

+++

"Eeeeeehehehehehe!" screeched Olaf.

Klaus looked helplessly from Olaf's laughing face to the many knives that had pinned him to the door. Klaus tried to kick at the door, but there were so many knives holding his legs too. 

A carving fork flew at him, locking down his collar. Klaus swallowed. Olaf was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dangerous man. And he, Klaus, was going to die.

Unfortunately for Olaf, he seemed to have miscalculated his numbers in sharp kitchen utensils and was now disarmed. Hope mounted for Klaus. Maybe he'd have a chance after all. If he could just wiggle off the door…

Suddenly Olaf produced a large meat tenderiser. "And now," proclaimed Olaf royally, "Your life will end!" He laughed hysterically.

Klaus watched in horror as Olaf aimed the giant hammer at his head. He needed to distract Olaf, fast. "Y-you don't really think you can kill me with that, d-do you?"

Olaf swung the hammer a few times, taking aim. "Maybe not kill," he remarked, "But injure terribly, I'm sure."

Klaus tried fruitlessly to free himself. "Olaf," he stammered, "Can't we settle this with a discussion?"

Olaf narrowed his eyes with concentration.

"What about a drink then, Olaf?"

Olaf raised the hammer above his head.

"C'mon husband…master…"

Olaf lowered the hammer. "Did you just call me master? Well, well, well, looks like these lessons have really worked. Perhaps if I were to hit you with this metal object, you would oblige to be my dog…"

Klaus shuddered.

Olaf raised the tenderiser once more and flung it at Klaus. Klaus shut his eyes tightly and felt himself spin before stopping very suddenly and bouncing back slightly. The knives had prevented him from making contact with the object.

He opened his eyes to see grey.

"Oh my goodness," said Olaf, feigning sweetness, "I am so sorry!"

"Olaf!" screeched an unfamiliar female voice, "What is the meaning of this?"

&&&&

Hmm…what has happened? Let us find out next time…


	13. foxtrot

ARGH! What is wrong with everybody? Especially Lil sweet thang. I'd like to firstly point out that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Some people are homosexual, some aren't. It shouldn't be used as an insult. And _why_ bother apologising at all? It really doesn't make a difference after you leave a first impression telling us your superficial and prejudiced. (And I do realise Lil sweet thang probably doesn't care, but make this a warning for the rest of you! Read BEFORE you review, and if you're just going to tell me to drink from a toilet, don't bother, I already know.)

Other people: thanks for reading. Please don't be put off by that little…announcement. Some people just don't learn. And sorry for not updating.

C h a p t e r _thirteen_

Violet's hands trembled as she picked up her drink. Suddenly, as if in slow motion, she watched her hands release it's grip and the glass fall to the ground, splintering into a million pieces. Bits flew onto Ben, cutting him.

            I exaggerate, of course. The glass merely broke into three main pieces and a several smaller pieces. Ben only got cut because he was careless enough to step on it in bare feet.

            "Ow!" he yelped, sitting down suddenly to inspect his foot. His rear narrowly missed several small pieces. He looked up at Violet, who was frozen.

            "Violet, are you alright?" he asked.

            Violet did not show any sign of acknowledgement of his words.

            "Violet!" he jumped up, grabbing her by the shoulders, "Violet!"

            She wobbled a bit.

            "Violet!" screamed Ben, "Violet." He let go of her and she fell to the floor. Ben quickly ran to the phone and dialled the number of his local hospital.

+++

Klaus held his breath. At least he wasn't unconscious. He realised the door must have opened, pressing him into the wall. He heard Olaf scuttle to the door, trying with difficulty to help whoever he'd knocked down to get up.

"Don't touch me, Olaf!" shrieked the victim.

            "Look Esme, I'm really sorry, if you'd just let me—"

            "Nrnrnrnrnrnnrnr!"

            "Esme—"

            "NRR nrr!"

            "He—"

            "NRRR!"

            Klaus closed his eyes. This was not looking good. Whoever the woman was, she seemed very, very bad tempered. Klaus wiggled gently among the knives, hoping to loosen the blades from the door. The wood creaked slightly. Klaus went rigid with nerves.

            He waited. Olaf hadn't heard. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Olaf head towards the bathroom, followed by an unusually dressed woman who slapped his hand whenever it came within a foot of her.

            Klaus listened as Olaf continually tried fruitlessly to soothe her. He began struggling again. The door creaked again. Loudly. Klaus winced and looked toward the bathroom. The woman was speaking loudly and dramatically. Olaf had forgotten about him.

            Klaus thrashed harder. The knives refused to loosen, but his shirt started to rip. With one fierce tug, his clothes tore off the knives and Klaus fell uncomfortably between the wall and the knives. As he pressed against the knives, the door swung away from him and inadvertently toward the doorframe, while he himself fell to the floor. 

Klaus struggled to get up and quickly grab the door before it slammed shut. He was too slow. He could only watch as the door moved closer to its home.

To his relief, the door stopped an inch from the frame. He stood up, eyeing the bathroom. However, his sudden rise from the floor sent his head spinning and he lost his balance, reaching out to hold something

His hands grabbed the edge of the door and he pulled on it, trying to let go, yet unable to. The door swung away from the frame and Klaus pulled himself up gratefully. Unfortunately, as he pulled himself up against it, his weight put pressure on the door, pushing it back towards it frame. Klaus could do nothing but hold on, trying to stay standing.

Klaus closed his eyes and prepared himself for the loud bang. There was none. Instead he let out a loud howl as the door closed on his fingers.

Regrettably, Olaf heard this sound and came rushing back into the room, immediately remembering that Klaus was still stuck on the door, only to see Klaus disappear behind it.

&&

Where ever will Klaus go? Is Violet ill? What happened to Sunny? Tune in next time for…more events.


	14. golf

I guess by writing a chapter fourteen, I've lost any chance I had left of being Lemony. I am only comforted in the fact that I probably had no chance anyway.

Smilies –if you'd just said all that in your other review, I wouldn't have ranted and raved at you and I wouldn't need to apologise now! I take back all I said, I don't mean it anymore.

Hermione Baudelaire – That's interesting. Gay people aren't allowed to marry over here, so wow.

J, sdfgs and gada, I'm going to assume you're one person (who types random letters like I do sometimes) – Villains aren't gay and vice versa. It's all a - no it's not even a myth - it's all crap. And thanks…

PrincessEilonwy – His fingers won't be the worst of things…And Ben's foot…hm…

BlackCherry667 – Thanks and it's ok.

Kate's Cousin – (swallow) Got it.

Mara – Thanks but I really don't like flaming people. You end up with loads of rubbish in your inbox and it's just not worth it.

I felt really foolish writing all that (and it doesn't help my friend here keeps calling me a fool) so please don't get used to it. 

By the way, Ben is Violet's friend. He was introduced in the sixth book as the person who gave her a book about elevators. Sam is just a random.

C H A P T E R _fourteen_

Klaus flew over the hedges, landing on his behind. He was instantaneously on his feet again, running as fast as his normally comfortably crossed legs would carry him. He didn't dare look behind him, but he knew Olaf was fast approaching.

            He quickly looked around and observed his surroundings, searching for an exit, a direction to turn, a place to run to, but found none. He was alone in this world, with a bad tempered ugly man chasing him.

            Klaus ran, oh how he ran, knowing the moment he stopped, he'd be back on that door again. Or worse. Who knew what Olaf would think of next? Perhaps a reverse lithotripsy? Klaus shuddered. A lithotripsy was bad enough in itself.

            Klaus concentrated on other things as he ran. Where were his siblings now? He hadn't seen them for two days, but it'd seemed like ages.

            Suddenly Klaus stumbled. He clutched at his side, which was in pain. Refusing to let it stop him, Klaus limped sloppily. His limping, however, only lead to the twisting of his ankle, and before he knew it, he collapsed onto the ground, clutching his failing heart.

++

What shall I do now, thought Sunny. She'd finished her thirty-second game of **chew up the rock before someone walks by**. Sick of it, Sunny sat glumly, her thoughts winding back to her siblings. 

            She was very annoyed that the dogs had all left her, but even more annoyed that passers by kept frowning at her. She was a baby (for crying out loud), a small helpless infant who could barely talk in an understandable manner.

            Fed up with nothing happening, Sunny decided to go make things happen for herself. Unhurriedly, she crawled to the conjunction of her dead end road and watched the scene. There were many people walking around, searching for objects on the ground. Sunny wondered for a second, but her wonderings were interrupted by a whip fast figure speeding past. 

            Upon further inspection, she realised it was her little seen brother, Klaus. "Verpowq!" she yelled, hoping to catch his attention. But he was too fast. Soon he had disappeared around a corner.

            Undaunted, Sunny began her laborious journey to catch up to him. Slowly, she pushed herself onto her feet and unsteadily took her first step. She was almost knocked over by imbalance. Nonetheless, she soon learnt the ropes and was skipping off after Klaus.

            She was so focused on drawing level with Klaus that she didn't see the tall figure get progressively closer. A dreaded, somewhat breathless voice rang in the air. "Look what the cat dragged in," it snickered, and Sunny felt those cold hands pick her up again…

++

The clock was ticking really fast, but time seemed to creep by. Ben ran his fingers trhough his hair. It was sweaty. He wiped his hands on his pants and started pacing again, stepping in the spilt liquid. This only irritated the cut on his foot more so he sat down again, watching Violet who lay motionless.

            "Hurry up already!" he yelled angrily.

            At that moment there was a knock on the door. Ben flung himself at it and yanked it open. A bunch of men and women in hospital uniform charged in, knocking Ben to one side.

            "What happened?" asked a man.

            "She was drinking her water and suddenly she collapsed," replied Ben wearily.

            The man dipped his finger into water and tasted it. "That's not water," he said, "It's pure alcohol."

TBC…


	15. hotel

            Dude!

Right, Ben gave Violet the elevator _blueprints_. Got me there. And genius is spelt correctly (I think...). Ok, Chaaaaaaaaapter FIFTEEN!

C h a p t e r  _fifteen_

"What?" cried Ben in disbelief, "I gave her a glass of water!"

            The doctor shook his head. "Look son, if it was water, she'd be up on her feet, but it wasn't. Somehow you didn't read the labels on your bottles."

            "But I got that water out of the tap!"

            The doctor raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Ok, let's get her out of here."

            Ben couldn't believe it. He got down on his hands and knees and bent forward to smell the liquid. Sure enough, it smelt quite strongly of alcohol. He sniffed it again. The smell was really heavy, how could he not have noticed it before? He sniffed it one more time and got up. But he almost fell over.

            Ben shook his head, he'd gotten up to quickly. He took one step forward and really fell over.

            "What's wrong with me?" he whispered. He picked himself up slowly and tried again to reach the door. This time he got there, and felt strangely happy. He ran out of the house and onto the road.

            "Whoa!" he yelled, "The colours, they're coming! Watch out." He skipped along the tarmac singing "I feel pretty" and stopped suddenly when he heard a whoosh. A green sports car had just raced past.

            "Hey!" called Ben, "Get back here! That was unfair, we need it to be fair." The car paid no attention so Ben jogged wobbly after it. 

            A green object was fast approaching. Ben stopped to look at it. "Hey, that looks familiar," he shouted, pointing and waving. "Are you coming back for a fair race?"

            Then, a screeching of brakes was heard, and Ben found himself peacefully unconscious.

++

Olaf had a grin on his face and a spring in his step as he skipped back towards home. As long as he had the baby, the other two would soon come. Or so he thought.

            He jogged the last few blocks to his house and wondered why Sunny weighed nothing at all. That was when he realised Sunny was no longer in his arms.

            He panicked and ran back, searching for the baby, wondering how it had slipped out of his clutch.

            "Come on, come on!" he uttered under his breath, "Where did you go?" He looked at every inch of ground he'd covered and found nothing. He threw his arms above his head and stomped towards home.

            He got as far as ten metres when a familiar sound stuck his ears. Olaf's lips curled. All was not lost. In fact, all was now found. He slowly turned around, scanning his surroundings. His gaze landed on a tall, middle-aged woman. She was holding Sunny and looking around.

            Olaf strode over to the pair. "Good day," he said cordially, "I am _very_ glad that you have picked up my daughter, lest she crawled away and got hit by a truck during the time I was unable to find her."

            The woman eyed him suspiciously. Olaf flashed her a dazzling grin.

            "Really?" asked the woman slowly. 

Olaf found the voice reminded him of his old school teacher. His grin crumpled and he nodded nervously.

"Why then is this baby so small? You must be a TERRIBLE FATHER!"

Olaf smirked. So that's what the woman was getting at. This he could deal with. "I must agree with you," he said solemnly, "This baby is much too small. In fact if her father hadn't died she would probably have only been half this size! It's terrible fortune that my brother was a bit mentally unstable and he often took it out on his poor child, locking her up and not feeding her. When I found out he'd locked himself in a burning house I went to it immediately to save the child. My brother, sadly, I could not reach in time. Since then she has been under my care. I have been trying my hardest to feed her six times a day and fatten her up, but her poor under developed body finds it very difficult to cope with large amounts of food. I regret that she had such an unsolicited welcome into the world and I wish she had fallen earlier to me, so I could have given her a much better up bringing."

The woman grimaced sympathetically. "I'm so sorry love, some people get all the misfortune. Take your child and look after her well."

Olaf sombrely took Sunny into his arms and patted her on the back. "It's ok munchkin, daddy's got you now."

Sunny looked frantically at the woman smiling sadly at her. "Abite!" she screamed, "Merdra!"

However, a hand quickly placed itself over her mouth and silenced her cries for help.

&&

Oh no, Olaf's got Sunny! Whatever will Klaus do, provided he recovers from his fatal fall earlier…


End file.
